went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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