eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
