I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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