...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
