i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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