Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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