I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
