..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
