if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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