No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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