I smell stomach acid.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
