You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
