This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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