never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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