Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
