Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
