Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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