hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
