I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
