I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
