If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
