we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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