my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
