Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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