Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
