Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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