That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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