yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
