I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
