Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
