ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
