I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize