I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
