I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your penis caused this!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
