I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
