Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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