I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize