Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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