She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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