This house was built for laser tag.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
