you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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