You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
