By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
