Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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