I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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