I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Houston, we have a blender
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
