are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Randomize
