No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
