My friends, they love my intelligence
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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