4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
