Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize