i just had sex bonerless
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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