the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
