woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
