So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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