Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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