i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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