Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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