Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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