never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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