the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
In America we eat man semen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
