dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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